Last night before I laid down to rest, I thought to myself, turn your phone off. Allow for true rest to take over your spirit tonight. My very next thought was a time when I would never turn my cell off for fear that if my son or husband were to call, I need to be up, alert and ready to troubleshoot a situation that may or may not result in the funeral of yet another black man. A great deal of my anxiety as a younger woman came from the thought of my son, brothers, friends or the men I love being hurt in a world that fears the color brown or black. Living with high stress and worry became so much of a norm for me that I often can’t believe that I no longer spend my days imagining the worst case scenario when my son or husband was more than 15 minutes later than he should be walking through the front door.
Why has my anxiety and stress eased up a bit? It is certainly not because the world around us has suddenly had a change of heart when it comes to how people of color are treated.The opportunities that are available to non people of color that don’t seem to make it to the zip codes that are predominantly minority are still escaping the next generation. I am still considered less of a threat than the man I love who happens to be blessed with the five shades of melanin that I bake in the sun every summer to achieve. Nope, none of this has changed and if those that benefit most from a racially divided human race have anything to do with it, it will never change.
What has changed is my perspective. Instead of living in a constant state of debilitating fear and worry thinking that what I love the most might be taken from me. I have consciously made a choice to live in faith! If I think back on my life, like I am certain most of you can too,the Universe has always protected, provided and favored me superbly! There have been instances where I found myself in some very sketchy situations that I should not have made it out of. Same for my son! I began taking into account all those random times I walked away from death, destruction, abuse, malicious intent, bullets flying, people who were hell bent on destroying me and all around negative energy. In taking stock of my favor, my faith began to grow. As my faith began to grow, the stress and fear melted away. Every day I wake up grateful to live another day walking in a light so bright and pure, that I can turn my phone off at night and finally, sleep.
#Be the Light that You Seek