Allow me to give testimony. I came from nothing…my mother had three brown children by the time she was 29 years old by three different brown men who didn’t for one reason or another choose to stick around and help. We always had a roof over our head and a space to lay when night fall came about. Sometimes the electricity was on…sometimes it was not. We ate though, some days better than others….never went hungry. What I didn’t know as a child that I now know 41 years later is that God not once ever let us down. I remember nights hearing my mother cry in her bed, worried I am certain about money or the lack there of. She made robbing Peter to pay Paul, James and Dan an art form. Her juggle game was something to write about. Look at that…I am writing about it.
As I got older and watched her make moves to do nothing but elevate her family, I often wondered when she would feel as though she did enough? I watched her a marry a man that I believe did not speak to her spirit for the sake of being able to say we were being raised in a two parent household. She sacrificed a great deal to pull my brothers and I out of the hood and into a cookie cutter 3 bedroom home that represented the American dream she was striving to achieve. Even then, it wasn’t enough, she wanted more. I watched her work positions’ that paid her more than she ever made in her life, disbelief on her face everyday she walked out that door to earn a paycheck that she proudly cashed week after week with ease because , finally she wasn’t worried about keeping the electric on. Still, it wasn’t enough. I watched her open a business with her husband, working night after night serving patrons that often were to drunk to say thank you for the umpteenth shot she served them. I watched her struggle with PTSD after being followed home from that same business one night with $17,000 in a lock bag by a couple of people who she thought were just regulars. Needless to say the PTSD came from the violence that those regulars inflicted on my mother. I watched my mom fight, flight, fend off and save herself and her children every day of her life. Not one time did God forsake my mother.
Hindsight allows me , as an adult to not take for granted the fact that God not only favored, protected and provided from my mom all those years, but that same grace was handed down to my brothers, myself and our children. My mother was chosen and her offspring have benefitted from that energy everyday since. As I sit in my favorite café writing tears fall from my eyes, for in this moment, all the pain I thought she caused me, is irrelevant because my mother was LIGHT. She was a fighter, the truth and she moved in a way that was admired. She came from a shittier situation than we did and that is because despite the tools she was not given, she was determined to break cycles with her children. That determination came from her heart, and that genuine desire to provide for us a better existence than she was provided for allowed God’s love to carry her and her children through life. We will continue to be blessed and highly favored! Rest with ease Mama, we love you!